My mother said this often and had incredible resiliency coupled with an unwavering focus both on moving forward and not dwelling on the past. In fact, if something bad happened to you, she’d give you license to be upset for 24 hours, and then, in her mind, you should be ready to “move on”. She was very consistent in her approach, whether it was dealing with one of her seven children, or the cancer she died from 16 years ago.
These traits are somewhat unique from my own self observations and those of other people. Mom had the perspective that bad things will happen to good people, but it was more about what you did about it than commiserating about why. My college friend Bob Bell was injured when we were freshman and became paralyzed. He ended up writing a great book on the topic, and I remember someone in an interview asking him “Why do you think this happened to you?” His response: “Why the F* not me?”
At work, many of us have been through some significant challenges with reductions in the workforce. These initially are devastating –I know personally—and leaving on someone else’s terms is devastating. I remember one leader lucky enough to leave before “the date” saying that leaving on his own terms was the most difficult decision he’s ever made. At least he was in control, and I remember questioning and being angry about his use of the word “difficult”.
Difficult is having to tell your family you’ve lost your job–leaving them speechless–except the 9 year-old who asks if you are going to lose your house.
Others, in organizations that have provided job stability for decades, do not even have context that employment is fragile for many of us. To some of those folks, getting reorganized into something they don’t want to do—and keeping a job—is like the end of the world. To them, laid off people would say, “at least you still have a job.”
Each of us has our own context and perspective about a given situation. But in all contexts, it’s about adapting, overcoming, and making the next steps be on your own terms. Simply put, moving on.
When we experience some difficultly, whether it is a layoff or a reorganization, fundamentally we all still need to decide for how long we want to analyze and dwell. Mom would apply the 24 hour rule and recommend that we get on with it and ground ourselves in the reality that this is where we are planted–right, wrong, or indifferent.
What holds us back?
Well, blooming forces us to take action and be creative, which is hard and scary. It forces us to eliminate excuses and complaints, which makes us vulnerable. It forces us to reach out to our networks and ask for help, which can be embarrassing.
Someone close to me lost their job about a year ago. Just recently he accepted a position to teach a college course, something he likely would have never have had the chance to do without the job loss. He told me that was the best news he’d heard in 52 weeks, and was always something he wanted to do.
Me? I can’t believe that 9 months later, I’m in my dream job. It took a lot of support and help to get here. To those that supported me, I’m forever grateful, for all of it–the phone conversations, the text messages, the coffees, the lunches, the LinkedIn messages, and the hugs. I’ve vowed to help anyone I can—day or night—who needs help with job transition and networking.
Mom, I’ve “moved on”.
Seeds can be planted and flowers can bloom in the least expected places. Bloom where you are planted—you are in control, it just sometimes doesn’t feel that way initially. But you are.
I didn’t know your Mom but, I suspect the “bloom where you are planted” was likely pre or post-ceded with a measure of “Get over it!”
For me, getting nixed (which was selective and not a wholesale reduction), while incredibly painful and unexpected, was truly enlightening and improved my perspective on work, employment security and self-reliance. It’s allowed me to make better, pro-active, “difficult” decisions on my own terms. Frankly, I’m better for it and I believe most others are too.
I think “get over it” was said every day! Thanks for reading and commenting, Bill!
Bill – I love reading that you are in your “dream job” and of course all of your mother’s great sayings, too! John
Omar; I am so happy you have your dream job!! A wonderful mentor has always said, Life is on our side! Thank you for your thoughtful post!! Amazing mom, too!! Love, Kathy
Congrats on the job, Great message, love the 24 hour rule!
I think a lot of people “move forward” rather than “move on”. To “move on” implies, for example, purging a lost loved one from your brain and forgetting the impact on their life. A parent losing a spouse in an accident has to be something you never truly get over. But, I get what you mean.
My dad filled me in on your professional “adventures” the past few years. It would certainly have had me on edge, but congratulations on finding your dream job. Not many are able to find it, Uncle Billy, and I’m still looking. Currently I am blooming where I’m planted and just doing the best I can at my current job and trying to keep a house together.
Sage advice – from you, and Grandma Shirley. One of these weekends we’ll get together.
I started a blog: http://www.nathanjbenn.net. I just started it – pretty bare bones.
See you soon, Nephew Nate
Such an awesome blog. Thanks Omar !!
This is the best I have read on this ,Omar. Nicely done .
Omar, I am proud of what you’ve gotten through. Congrats! Great share. Thank you.